Hello AFTM Readers, I just want to say thanks to all of your support with AFTM reaching the Digg Front Page! I feel like I finally beat the final boss of the internet after doing so. To show my appreciation, I have scoured the internet for many, many minutes to put this pic collection together for you. It’s Hot Girls with Lollipops and Popsicles! (Beware: May contain some bananas)

Happy Wednesday Bitches, what’s a better way to start a Wednesday than a zombie takeover? I can only name one thing myself, well two if you count blowjobs, a way to KILL THEM! And that’s the very information I lay before your eyes. Here are my top nine ways to kill a mother-f*cking zombie.

Now I know what you are thinking when you clicked on this article.. What could there possibly be in the world that wouldn’t be more awesome after getting high? Well after hours of research I have come up with a list. It’s not long because there’s really not much that doesn’t become instantly cool but here it is…

Have more ideas? Leave me a comment!

Car Type: Sedan

Cars that fall under it:

Acura TL, BMW 5-Series, Mercedes E-Class

Girls it Attracts:

Librarians, Nurses, Older Milfs. A sedan is a passenger car with 2 rows of seats. And PLENTLY of room in the back, and the reason you’ll attract kinky librarians and nurses is just because of that. Be prepared to get your back seat a little hot and sweaty everytime you check out a book from the library, as the librarian checks out you and your ride.

Car Type: Mini Van

Cars that fall under it:

Dodge Grand Caravan, Honda Odyssey

Girls it Attracts:

Fat Soccer Moms. With thousands of screaming kids. Is that enough said? Guys, don’t even think of purchasing a mini van EVER! It’s just not cool. The only guys that should get a van are nice, generous ones that hand out candy at parks for the nice little children.

Car Type: Fake Convertable

Cars that fall under it:

Miata, S2000

Girls it Attracts:

None! Because its the girls themselves that drive them. Plain and simple, I mean, what guy would even want to be caught dead in a car that girls call “cute”? It’s just plain wrong. I do have a male friend with an S2000(Or is it a Miata? I can’t fuckin tell..) though. He picked up a girl once, her name was Sheila Neva Fukyu. Hmm.. I wonder how that turned out.

Car Type: Real Convertable

Cars that fall under it:

Dodge Viper, Chevrolet Corvette Z06, Classic Mustang

Girls it Attracts:

Ahh.. the MAN car! Guys, If you find yourself lucky enough to be cruising around town in one of these simply point to a girl you find attractive walking down the street and she’ll hop right in as long as your don’t look like this guy:

Car Type: Horse and Buggy

Cars that fall under it:

Ummm… Seabiscuit and a wooden box with wheels

Girls it Attracts:

Amish Chicks. They may not be the hottest girls around. But they can surely “churn your butter” if you know what I mean

Car Type: Large pickup

Cars that fall under it:

Dodge Ram, Ford F150

Girls it Attracts:

Hick Chicks and Trailor trash. I mean they don’t have a job or anything so how are they supposed to pull their trailor around. Thats where your pickup comes in. Now I mean its still cool to have a pickup, because of all the “man” duties that require it like hauling boulders, rocks, gravel, dynamite, beer, you know all the regular things a man needs to do. But NEVER go out looking for girls in said pickup truck, especially not down south. Or else you may get drunk and go home with one of these:

Car Type: Old beaters

Cars that fall under it:

91 Honda Civic, 95 Pontiac Sunfire, ANY Toyota Corolla

Girls it Attracts:

Fat gothic girls and girls employed at McDonalds. Ewww… Ah gross.. PLEASE GET A NEW GOD DAM CAR!

Car Type: Japanese Imports

Cars that fall under it:

Toyota Supra, Nissan Skyline, Mitsubishi EVO, Subaru STi

Girls it Attracts:

Asians, and Car Models girls. It seems that these cars have a special feature in them, its a new technology that has been developed in Japan and installed into these cars before they were shipped to the US. This technology is called the Pussy Magnet. Check out the Pics below for proof.

Note from Steve: It should be stated that the above information is incorrect. NO import will get you a girl. In fact most women hate the cars that men like. They just don’t understand or care that you can take a corner at 80mph. And my S2000 is considered both an Import and a convertible. Asshat! So when your GF tells you to trade in your STI for a Jetta or Camry Scott, do what I do and tell her to shut the fuck up!

Car Type: High End Luxury Cars

Cars that fall under it:

Bentlys, Cadillacs, Mercedes, Beemers

Girls it Attracts:

Hot Models and Golddiggers(Wait, is there a difference?) These girls can see you have loads of cash at your disposal and want you to shower them in gifts instead of spending it on another car.

Now guys, you must weigh out the pros and cons of each:

Pro – Shes hot
Con – She wants your money
Pro – No really, shes bangin’
Con – She doesnt have as many cupholders as your bently
Pro – She promises to love you forever as long as you don’t sign a prenup
Con – She demands jewelry every 3 days

Hmm seems pretty even to me.. Up to you fellas.

Car Type: Italian Sports Car

Cars that fall under it:

Ferrari’s, Lamborghinis, Maseratis

Girls it Attracts:

Pretty much anything with 2 legs. Its seems pretty hard to get turned down when your car screams sexy and money. Its a combination that I don’t think a female brain could turn down. I even think if you play your cards right, you could have an entire Lingerie Bowl Team knocking at your door.

“Yes.. This could get very interesting… ”

Conclusion

Hopefully this article will clear up some wandering minds on which type of car you will buy. Hopefully this will also convince some of you to get out of your old P.O.S. beater or minivan and buy a real god dam car. Anyways, new comic for you tomorrow. Check it out!

Ok valued readers, part deuce is upon us.  If you missed part one check it out here and meet the drinkers. I’m going to get the ball rolling and just leap into this review.  I will explain step by step how we scored and tested everything first. And after that I will start going over each beer in detail. And on that note, here we go…

Scoring:

Each beer was scored to a total of 43 points. I know 43 sounds wierd, but let me explain the reasoning. We had four categories to score for each beer. Each category was scored out of 10. Category #1 was Presentation. In the presentation category we observed the head, consistency, color, clarity and aroma of the beer. Category #2 was taste, we looked for fruityness, how dry or smooth the beer was, also any metallic or yeasty tastes in the beer. Category #3 was body. For this category we asked ourselves, was this beer creamy, bubbly, hearty, thick or thin? Was it a good temperature? The final category was drinkability. With this category, we asked ourselves how many we think we could/would drink in a night. Whether we would buy a six pack or dump the rest of the bottle.

But now I know you’re asking yourself, Four Categories times 10 is only 40? How did you get 43? Well readers of AFewTooMany, there was a “Final Thought” score. It was scored from -3 to +3 and was based on the final thought of the beer in review. We also wrote a few lines for each category describing each one in a few lines to sum it up. And as the day wore on, we became more and more drunk, and the comments.. Well you’ll have to read for yourselves… I believe that covers the scoring and everything, lets jump to the first beer…

Beer One: Double Bag Long Trail

Presentation Comments

Scott: Darker, Smells Weird, Looks Tasty

Steve: Looks Delicious

Shawn: Dark and Sexy

Joe: Very well poured

Nick: Auburn color, looks like an ash tray took a shit

Taste Comments

Scott: Smooth, Wet, Harsh Aftertaste

Steve: Very Hoppy, Strong

Shawn: Sweet

Joe: Very Hoppy

Nick: Tastes like a combination of rubbing alcohol and ashes

Body Comments

Scott: Feels Decent going down, not too thick

Steve: Semi Dark, Amber Brown

Shawn: Dark, Thick and Filling

Joe: Creamy, A bit thick

Nick: Medium Thinkness, good temp, but still tastes like shit

Drinkability Comments

Scott: Would finish a couple but wouldn’t buy again

Steve: Good, wouldn’t want to drink 12

Shawn: Strong and a little harsh, only a 6 pack a night

Joe: Thick and Filling, like my cock

Nick: Never again

Final Thoughts

Scott: Smooth, Wet, Harsh Aftertaste

Steve: Taste Good, Would not want to drink too many

Shawn: Strong Hopps aftertaste

Beer Two: Sea Dog Bluepaw

Presentation Comments

Scott: Smells Great, Looks Great

Steve: Smells amazing, like beer fruit

Shawn: Bright orange, smells like lotion I rub between my girls tits before I tittyfuck her DD’s

Joe: Well Poured as usually, smells delicious

Nick:Orange & smells good

Taste Comments

Scott: Not Bitter, Not sour, good beer little fruity, no aftertaste, refreshing

Steve: Refreshing, fruity taste. Like a spritzer, with alchohol

Shawn: Very fruity taste, not too strong

Joe: Fruity taste, definitely a seasonal

Nick: A hell of a lot better than beer #1, Not too bad

Body Comments

Scott: Cold, Hearty, not thick nor thin

Steve: Smooth as freshly shaved balls

Shawn: Thin, bubbly, smooth

Joe: Bubbly beer, almost like a spritzer

Nick: Thinner and good temp

Drinkability Comments

Scott: Would buy again

Steve: Hell yeah, might get gross later, or coming up

Joe: Very easy to drink, it’s a summer beer

Nick: Would buy

Final Thoughts

Scott: Overall Great Refreshing beer

Steve: If I could imagine the smell of a smurf, this would be it

Shawn: Very delicious, I would buy 12 a week, one of my favorites

Beer Three: Haffenreffer Private Stock

Presentation Comments

Scott: Looks Good, clear, light, smells like nothing

Steve: Looks and smells like Bud light

Shawn: Bright, Light, Clear, Smells beautiful

Joe: Good

Nick: Not much of anything

Taste Comments

Scott: Tastes like nothing, not bad at all, watered down, wet, smooth

Steve: Same

Shawn: Tastes like a Bud light or a light beer

Joe: Tastes like shitty Bud light

Nick: No taste really, watered down like a son of a bitch

Body Comments

Scott: Very thin, smooth, watery

Steve: Light and Easy to drink

Shawn: Creamy, Bubbly, good light beer

Joe: It wasn’t really much of anything, Nothing special.

Nick: Thinner than Shawn’s Dick

Drinkability Comments

Scott: Could drink 30 in a row

Steve: Again, BL Smooth

Shawn: Would drink a 30

Joe: Bud light is easy to drink

Nick: Favorite So far

Final Thoughts

Scott: Would Drink again

Steve:Good light beer, Tastes fine, Nothing Special

Conclusion:

Well peeps thats the first 3 beers down. Only 12 left on this adventure. In the mean time check out what Lou’s been up to here. Wow I need one of those. As always leave your comments below. If you have any questions feel free to email me. Also check out the new Share Bar below. Feel Free to Digg or Facebook us or whatever it is you do! PEACE OUT Peeps!

Have you ever asked for a GreyGoose and wound up with what you could swear was Caldwell’s, or Rubinoff?

Well no more with the Rotgutonix Booze detector. Next time some bartender gives you that mystery cocktail. Just pull out your Rotgutonix pen and let them know you can tell what kind of alcohol is in your drink. Then you wont have to stand for bottom shelf booze.

Personally, I’ll drink anything and this would just lead me to say something like, “Just drink the drink you pussy, and if you pull that stupid fucking pen out of you pocket (or purse) you’re going to look like a total douche!”

Furthermore the pen only works with 6 different alcohols (at the moment).  Even worse is that it only works in straight drinks, no mixed drinks.  So if your not drinking straight Johnny Walker, JB, DYC, Havana Club, Pampero, or Brugal. Then you are SOL. If you are, then pull that pen out dip it in for 20 seconds and voila! Your a douche bag.

Read More Here

Eat shit LARP (Live action role play) assholes!

“More like live anal rape play if you ask me! Am I right?” *holds hand up for the highest of five’s… No reciprocation, just a confused look from people in office*
(Click the Image or link below to read more)

Every Saturday hundreds of you zit faced overgrown children dress up and battle other WOW fanatics for what I can only imagine is the a battle over who has the most nerd points(you nerds love points). You use crude weapons crafted from what I think are pool noodles, shields from thrift stores decorated in what is probably your favorite /b/ meme. You speak word of chivalry and fiefdom, talk with funny accents, then look at me as I park my car as if I don’t belong there. Well my goofy double left footed LOTR friends. This is it…

"Silly Newfags"

I declare War!

No one even knew your kind existed until the Movie Roll Models came out. Now whenever we try to have cook outs, people can’t help but notice the plethora of overweight virgins across the street. You take all the parking with your beat up 87 Honda’s, complete with ICP stickers and other non conformist propaganda. Your resident female’s wear purple/black hair and too much eyeliner. Your constant yelling of ” plus three damage” and ramblings of some imaginary spells and potions are absurd and off-putting.

"I challenge you box head guy!"

You know what bothers me the most about you asshats?
What bothers me the most is the way you un-athletic, un-coordinated, un-talented hacks stand when you battle. The way you kind of crouch, but don’t. The way you look like your scurrying along with your sword hand out, but your not actually moving much at all.It’s like an illusion of fighting, some half dicked approach learned from years of battle inadequacy. It’s real fucking hard to describe, but it royally pisses me off.
(If your having trouble picturing the stance, find the least athletic person you know and attack him with a pool noodle or wiffle ball bat. Insult him, hand the weapon to em and turn around slowly. If you piss em off enough, what will happen is he’ll take a swing at you in the stance described as quickly and awkwardly as possible. Right before scurrying off in the same stupid stance. It’s amazing, and ball crunchingly annoying).

Anyway assholes, prepare for battle. This Saturday you will  meet the destructing (shitfaced) army of Afewtoomania. We’re a proud (drunken angry) folk, and you be destroyed(slightly annoyed) by our awesome power(drunk muscles).

Of course I’ll update our readers next week on the outcome of our soon to be triumphant victory!