Eat shit LARP (Live action role play) assholes!

“More like live anal rape play if you ask me! Am I right?” *holds hand up for the highest of five’s… No reciprocation, just a confused look from people in office*
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Every Saturday hundreds of you zit faced overgrown children dress up and battle other WOW fanatics for what I can only imagine is the a battle over who has the most nerd points(you nerds love points). You use crude weapons crafted from what I think are pool noodles, shields from thrift stores decorated in what is probably your favorite /b/ meme. You speak word of chivalry and fiefdom, talk with funny accents, then look at me as I park my car as if I don’t belong there. Well my goofy double left footed LOTR friends. This is it…

"Silly Newfags"

I declare War!

No one even knew your kind existed until the Movie Roll Models came out. Now whenever we try to have cook outs, people can’t help but notice the plethora of overweight virgins across the street. You take all the parking with your beat up 87 Honda’s, complete with ICP stickers and other non conformist propaganda. Your resident female’s wear purple/black hair and too much eyeliner. Your constant yelling of ” plus three damage” and ramblings of some imaginary spells and potions are absurd and off-putting.

"I challenge you box head guy!"

You know what bothers me the most about you asshats?
What bothers me the most is the way you un-athletic, un-coordinated, un-talented hacks stand when you battle. The way you kind of crouch, but don’t. The way you look like your scurrying along with your sword hand out, but your not actually moving much at all.It’s like an illusion of fighting, some half dicked approach learned from years of battle inadequacy. It’s real fucking hard to describe, but it royally pisses me off.
(If your having trouble picturing the stance, find the least athletic person you know and attack him with a pool noodle or wiffle ball bat. Insult him, hand the weapon to em and turn around slowly. If you piss em off enough, what will happen is he’ll take a swing at you in the stance described as quickly and awkwardly as possible. Right before scurrying off in the same stupid stance. It’s amazing, and ball crunchingly annoying).

Anyway assholes, prepare for battle. This Saturday you will  meet the destructing (shitfaced) army of Afewtoomania. We’re a proud (drunken angry) folk, and you be destroyed(slightly annoyed) by our awesome power(drunk muscles).

Of course I’ll update our readers next week on the outcome of our soon to be triumphant victory!

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