A weekly recap of our beloved RedSox will be posted um… Weekly. With a drunken vulgar twist of course.

Let’s rant!!

Normally I would go off on things about this team I dislike. Such as I did in this early season rant.

Except I’m lost for hate words at the moment. I can’t hate on Papi. Even though he’s in the worst slump I’ve ever seen a slugger be in. This one actually hurts too much to talk about. The man pretty much won us the championship in 04 on his own. Essentially changing the face of this franchise from lovable losers/underachievers. To their hated status of team to beat, with the most obnoxious, overzealous fans on the planet. I do know that if this was NY, Papi would be boo’d every time he struck, or grounded out. Once again proving that while our fans may be dumb. We at least have more respect, admiration, and loyalty than those dirty NY fucks.

While I could write all day about how much I hate the Yanks and their fans. I think I’ll dedicate this post to our own, pink hat wearing, card carrying, band wagon excuses for fans.  Below are actual comments found  on sites such as boston.com, mlbtraderumors.com, and redsox.com. ( Not all of our fans are dumb, and this is not an accurate representation of the Nation. Also the humor in this article is intended for people who fallow baseball and further more the RedSox.)

On the decline of Ortiz:

Posted By: 26xwsc
Hey Popi, you STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And:

Texing Manny, Texing Manny??? Wheres that “spinach” you goin to send me???? Big Popeye

Great insight 26xwsc, you really showed them. (To be fair, almost all the other comments were good for once. For once!)

On the upcoming Sox Yanks series:

Posted by: captaincar
“The question is backwards.It should be read”Can The Red Sox play with The Yankees”I say no….We don’t have one stinkin player who can drive in runs amd Mike Loyal plays 3rd base like he’s planted in a flower pot and he’s going to be in the history books as hitting into the most dp’s ever.!…There is NO SS yet we have 3 people getting paid to do it.Mark Texiera is the best player in baseball unless it’s Albert Pujols.There you are rich owners.Go after that guy.Of course he’s used to being a ‘homer’ to the most knowlegdable fans in the world in St Louis.Our vanted pitching staff is 2.5 deep.I give Wakefield a solid 1/2 but the others are”pickem” after Beckett &

Dear captaincar, I like the part about the flower pot. Are you a florist? And your right, while Jason Bay is  tied for first in RBI’s , he is certainly not “one stinkin player”. Also, I’m not quite sure what “vanted” is, but that Mike Loyal pun was  so funny HAHA.  It’s funny cuz we were loyal to him, and it sounds like his last name Lowell. I , not being as gifted in the fine arts of comedy as you. Would have gone with something like Mike ( sucks as bad as Lowell MA) Lowell. That’s funny cuz Lowell is a city in Massachusetts. What do you think?  I would also comment on the Pujols portion of your soon to be best selling novel. But sadly, I must admit I did not understand fully what you were trying to say. You must be some sort of literary genius with vocabulary and grammar greater than that of  Shakspeare himself.

In response to an article on DiceK’s struggles. With another user saying we can’t trade Duce because of his no trade clause:

Posted by: GhostofBon
Restructure his contract. Happens all the time. Maybe the Dodgers will take him even up for, yes, Manny, who’ll power Red Sox Nation through the second half. The Sox ain’t funny anymore, and the Nation’s alleged passion has nothing to do with over-ANALyzing. Relax, we’re not talking about Dennis Lamp here.

Dear GhostofBon, the RedSox will NOT restructure Dice’s contract. Not only is he an above average pitcher, with obvious above average talent. He  is solely responsible for the surplus of Japanese players we have since acquired. Okajima and Saito are steals in the pen. Plus, as seen with young prospects such as Zunichi Tazawa. Boston is now the hotspot for Japanese talent.  Tazawa was offered more money by 3 other teams, and yet chose to sign a Minor League contract with Boston.


Now…  did you actually just fucking say trade DiceK straight up for Manny??? Are you fucking retarded?  DiceK will make 52 million over 6 seasons with the Sox. You do the math, that is less than half of what the Dodgers pay for an aging, ovary bearing or steroid using Manny Ramirez. Who let me remind you, ran himself out of Boston with childish antics brought on by the greed of himself, and his soulless half  demon agent Scott Boras.


I do however agree that we are indeed NOT talking about Dennis Lamp.

On the possible trade for Orlando Cabrera:

Posted By: zeppelin3593
Theo, stop going after/mentioning average and quick fix shortstops ,its a couple of weeks until lowrie gets back and if you want a shortstop just go get hanley.marlins cant compete hanley for bowden,bard,masterson (replace bard with bucholtz if needed) marlins need pitching you can throw lowrie in there also but it fixes the ortiz production problem or at least adds a power bat i think it works although im wondering if pedroia -hanley ever were part of the same infield in the minors if so that would help ease the transition, maybe its just a dream scenario but i dont want gonzalez and the indians would charge far too much for v-mart

Dear zeppelin3593, I agree that getting Hanley would be the bees knees. I’m pretty sure the Marlins won’t give him up for at minimum, one more year due to a steep increase of salary in the later years. Even when available he will be recruited as a corner outfielder, possibly center if he shows great range. With that said, the Marlins are notoriously stingy with trades. It would take at the very least 3 top tier prospects, and maybe some lesser players/cash considerations. All of that adds up to a player the Sox will most likely not even try for.


I’m sorry to hear that you don’t want Gonzales. Who would possibly want the MLB leader in homeruns this year? I also agree that the Indians will want too much for Victor Martinez, he’s only the SECOND best offensive catcher in baseball.

Some Gems from a trade talk forum. Absolutely priceless ideas:

Posted By: DirtyWaterBeatdown
Lugo is open to playing second base. And he might be a player there. Don’t discount that. The Sox can’t try that because they have Pedroia. Having more time to field the ball and less of a distance for the throw makes a HUGE difference and takes a lot of pressure off. I think a lot of Lugo’s problem is the jitters. He seems to flinch a bit sometimes when he’s fielding or throwing the ball. Put him at second in a town that’s a little more laid back and he might be a good player. And if the Sox eat his contract then someone can try out that idea for free. There’s value in that. The guy can steal 30 bases, and he can hit. Just because we’re sour on him now doesn’t mean that it couldn’t work out in a different situation for him.

Posted By: DirtyWaterBeatdown
They’ve got money, so they should deal Lugo to the Nationals (and pay 90% of his salary) for Nick Johnson. Now. That gives Big Papi another kick in the butt, and doesn’t cost much personnel-wise. The Nats could make Lugo their second baseman and leadoff guy. Nick Johnson would be a solid #3 hitter, while he’s healthy, which should take us to the trade deadline…

Dear DirtyWaterBeatdown, Congratulations on being the dumbest member of RedSox Nation.  Yes, it is possible that Lugo could play second base. It ‘s also possible that I could sleep with Jessica Alba. Unfortunately, I don’t see either happening… EVER! I also find Lugo being able to steal 30 bases an absolute knee slapper. If he steals 30 bases over the course of the next 2 seasons, I’ll allow you, not me. To have all my sleeping (intercourse)  rights with Jessica Alba.  No strings attached.


How about that trade you proposed too? Your giant brain again, twice in the same article has fathomed up what seems to be a stroke of pure genius. The trade of the century some might call it. Lets give the worst player on our team, for a legit number three batter. Brilliant!! Why did Theo not think of that? You sir, have my vote for next GM of the Boston RedSox.

Posted By: Joe Morgan
Maybe they could package Lugo (who has value!) and Green and pick up a prospect even better than Marte was then flip that prospect (along with Kotteras, I guess, to keep the parallel going) for a player even better than Crisp.

Dear Joe_Morgan, Yes, lets trade 2 players, whome despite your quote “have NO TradeValue!!!” And get a prospect “better than Marte” and then flip him for a player “even better than Coco Crisp”(am I reading this right?).  All kidding aside, why is your scale based on Marte and Crisp? Why not trade these two worthless players for Hanley Ramirez, then flip him for Albert Pujols? Sounds perfect (Dialing Theo’s personal number shaking with anticipation).  You are clearly no the real Joe Morgan.  But speaking of Hanley…

Posted By: SoxFan
Maybe its time to give up a good starting pitcher prospect, Lugo & a back up minor league player (prospect) of their choice to the Marlins for the chance to get Hanley Ramirez back. I think its well worth it!!!!!!!!! For example Buchholz, Lugo & Bailey or Carter in exchange for Hanley Ramirez

Dear SoxFan, Why choose Buchholz , Lugo, and Bailey? Lets make it just Lugo. Or maybe Lugo and Green. DirtyWaterBeatdown and Joe_Morgan will surely back me up in this decision.  I see no flaw. Do you think maybe we’re giving too much? Unfortuantely, I think zach_ryder has other plans for Buchholz.

Posted By: zach ryder
The redsox should do this, trade Clay Bucholz and Micheal Bowden for Victor Martinez and then go after a shortstop like Stephen Drew or Jack Wilson and trade Julio Lugo and maybe some cash considerations to even the deal and then the lineup would be: 1. Ellsbury,2 Pedroia,3 Martinez,4 Bay, 5 Youkkkk,6 Lowell,7. Drew,8. Varitek,9. Wilson

Dear zach_ryder, I kind of agree with the first trade. It is doable. But how do you figure we would get a shortstop like Stephen Drew? The other posters seem to think Lugo straight up might do the trick. We may have to eat like 90% of his salary. But I think it’s a small price to pay. Hope you ALL agree.

Congratulations to our future RedSox General Managers. Your comments while quite amusing at times, have managed to make us a tad bit dumber.

You have all clearly had, A Few Too Many…

You can find all the above quotes on the fallowing 3 sites:
Boston.com
RedSox.com
MLBTradeRumors.com

All opinions are mine, and mine alone. As usual if you have a problem with the content. Please feel free to contact us at
FuckOff@AFewTooMany.com